When death did us part
by Little Miss Lou
Summary: In my dreams you're still sleeping soundly next to me, freed from the covers, a subtle smile on your lips as you surrender to the safety of our home around you. A new day waiting in the long, happy life that was taken from you that night, right here. M/S


**I know, this is an awfully sad story, but the idea came to my mind and I simply couldn't push it away. It's just a short one-shot, but I hope you will tell me what you think as I spent a lot of time (and tears) writing this.**

**Lou.**

**When death did us part.**

_**Mac Taylor:**_

That morning had been the happiest morning in my life, the scent of your perfume had filled the room around us. You were laying next to me, still sound asleep. As always, you had freed yourself from the covers in your sleep, leaving your skin bare for the morning sunlight to caress.

You were more beautiful than you had ever been before, your naked figure resting on the mattress with an almost angelic lightness. I had been unable to tear my eyes from you, your steady breathing promising a long and happy life with you.

You woke up with a smile on your lips even before your eyes fluttered open, you stretched your slender figure, no shyness or timidity as you found yourself completely exposed in my presence.

Your face had lit up even more as I offered _my wife _a heartfelt good morning. Your lips had captured mine, offering me yet another heart-stopping kiss, before your body made contact with mine.

We had made love that morning, tender and intimate, disappearing into each other like there was no world around us, and in that moment, there wasn't. All that mattered had been right there.

You had looked at me, emerald orbs shining with happiness, as you lured me to join you in the shower, a scheming smile forming on your face as you closed the curtain behind us.

That morning had been filled with smiles and flirty looks, and not even being called to work on our first day as husband and wife, seemed to tear our wonderful day apart.

We were met by congratulations as we arrived at work, smiling faces all around us, finding it nearly impossible to find the proper mask when going to speak to families of victims. To me, to the two of us, every thought of loss were non-existing, replaced by a happiness I thought could never end.

Every time I could steal a glimpse in your direction, I did. I knew that having you in my life, was a gift, that I would cherish for ever, if I had only known that gift was going to be taken from me so soon, there are so many things I would have said to you, if I had only had the chance.

The shift neared an end, and we were already whispering about how we were going to spend our night, but a suspect had been spotted near the Brooklyn bridge, on foot.

You had leaned towards me with a secretive smile, whispered that there was nothing like a suspect pursuit before spending a night alone with your husband. I had just chuckled at your flirting, before we headed for the cars.

We had managed to trap our suspect on the bridge, you and I ready to cut him off as Don and Danny chased him in our direction. I had figured this would go smoothly, and I would get to take you home, and spoil you like you deserved, within an hour.

But I had been terribly wrong.

The almost beastly look in the suspect's eyes got my attention as he neared us, desperate for escape. So desperate, that he didn't care how much it would take for him to get away.

I was ready to catch him, but so were you, always ready, never afraid. The sound of your agonized moan as he pushed you, etched into my heart forever. The terrified scream that escaped your lips as you realized you were going over the railing, seemed to stop the world from spinning for less than a second as I watched you body tumble away from me.

I saw your fingers slipping, as you were losing your shallow grip on the railing. The suspect got past me easily as I threw myself into the iron fence, to catch your hand before I would lose you forever.

You called out my name as I grasped for your hand, only your fingers locked in my hand. You looked up at me, panic starting to rise in your godly green eyes.

"I've got you." I told you desperately, but you knew as well as I did that it was a lie. You, too, felt your fingers slip in my sweaty hand.

"Mac!" You cried as only your fingertips kept you from falling. Your eyes locked with mine in that quarter of a second, that felt like several minutes, before you slipped.

I screamed your name in agonized panic as I watched you fall, the darkness almost engulfing you before the water.

The world disappeared around me in that second, the lights from the city faded into black, the sirens wailing in the distance slowly died. The cars drove by on the bridge, all oblivious to the fact, that the man they passed, had just lost everything worth living for.

Even though I felt like there was no air in my lungs, I kept shouting your name. Desperate, anxious, broken, I looked towards the water, whose roaring waves had long devoured your gorgeous shape.

Don and Danny had both reached me just as you had disappeared into oblivion, both stared into the water, like me unable to grasp what had just happened.

The first tear fell from the bridge, suddenly it didn't matter to me, that I wasn't alone when I cried my heart out, wishing nothing more, than to have you back with me, where you belonged.

Danny spoke, words I didn't hear, words of anger, compassion and sorrow, words that did nothing but remind me that you were somewhere down there, in the depth of the East River.

I fought both him and Don as they attempted to take me away from the spot where I had been unable to save you. Don tried promises of the harbor patrol finding you, but I wouldn't let myself leave this place, nowhere I could go would ever bring you back.

That night I didn't get any sleep, I sat in the solitude of the chapel, in which we had sworn to love each other till death do us part, just the previous day. 29 hours, that was how long we had been married before you were torn away from me. Yet it felt like you had been my wife forever.

Thoughts of you haunted my mind, memories of the time I had known you, and the times you had been there when no one else had. When I had let no one else in, you had always made your way through, and suddenly when I needed you the most, you were gone.

You were more than just my wife, I loved you more than you could ever have imagined. You were a friend unlike any others, I felt like we had been friends for a lifetime, I knew you like had I grown up with you by my side, and you knew me better than anyone else ever would.

For days after I lost you, I wouldn't accept that you were gone. I kept praying that you survived the fall, that someone pulled you out of the water, and were nurturing you back to health, so that you could return to me with that trademark smile on your face, but the only time I got to see your smile, was when I closed my eyes and thought about our wedding day. Thought about how grateful I was, that I at least got to call you my wife, before everything was over.

Our friends tried to bring me any comfort they could offer, in the shape of compassionate words, stories about things you had said or done. Lindsay would offer a shallow hug now and again, Sid would drop by my office and try to reason with me, by telling me that you would have wanted me to take better care of myself.

Poor little Lucy, with her 3 years of age, didn't understand why you didn't come by that Friday, like you used to every Friday night, to look after her, while Danny and Lindsay went out.

A week went by, before I got the news I had dreaded to hear. Sid came by my office like he had done often during the past week, but this time he didn't try to force a kind smile. The look on his face warned me that he came bearing bad news.

"Stella's body was found this morning." He just told me, I couldn't believe what I heard, even though I knew you were gone, I just couldn't let it be true.

"I want to see her." I had demanded barely audibly as I had gotten up from my chair, and walked around my desk, ignoring his warning that you were unrecognizable due to the time you spent in the water. But I didn't care, I knew I needed to see you, to believe it was actually true, that you had actually left me.

I knew I should have listened to Sid's warning, the second I saw you on the table. I knew the body was yours, your badge, and DNA later confirmed it. But it certainly wasn't the you, I would remember.

I left the morgue that second, and I left the lab. For the first time since your death, I went home, to our apartment. The home we had shared for more than a year, was suddenly nothing more than an empty shell, that used to contain the happiness you brought me.

Your perfume still lingered in the air in our bedroom, our bed left unmade, exactly like we left it that morning, your gorgeous, thigh-length wedding-dress hanging on the clothes hanger on the closet door, granting me a mental image of you walking down the aisle, a single tear running down your cheek.

I was asked to say a few words about you, at your funeral, as your boss, and as your partner. I spent so much time trying to find the words that would grant you justice, that would tell all the cops that had shown up to honor you, just how much you were.

When the time came, and I stood there, in front of our friends, in front of the NYPD, in front of people I didn't even know, that had shown to honor you, none of the words I had rehearsed seemed to be worthy.

Instead, I just allowed the words to flow, without thinking about it, just like you had done on a daily basis. It hadn't taken more than a few minutes, before I found myself standing in front of all those people, crying quietly, while trying to make them understand just how amazing a person you had been.

When I couldn't compose myself enough to say another word, Lucy had torn away from Lindsay's arms, and run up through the church, her eyes teary like everybody else's. I had knelt down as she reached me, her arms soon thrown around my neck.

"I miss her too." She had told me, crying in a way that broke my heart all over again as I realized I wasn't the only one to have lost you.

I don't remember how long she hugged me, there in front of everybody, and I'm not sure how I made it home from the funeral, but I know, that night was the hardest yet.

Only a couple of days after the funeral, Don had called me, told me they caught the guy that pushed you off the Brooklyn bridge.

I rushed to the precinct, revenge the only thought that occupied my mind. I had never experienced such an uncontrollable rage towards another person, but as I reached the precinct, stood outside the window and watched Don interrogate him, I knew it wouldn't change anything.

"The woman you killed, the _detective_ you killed..." Don forced through clenched teeth, the words paining him even then. "She was a very good friend of mine, and I would give anything for the opportunity to throw you off that bridge... But I wont, because I know she wouldn't have wanted that."

He continued poking the guy, but he remained still, claiming that he was nowhere near the Brooklyn bridge that night. Endless lies and excuses spilling from him, all the while I saw him push you over the railing, over and over again. The terrified look in your eyes as you slipped away from me would never leave me again, and here he was, right in front of me, the guy that killed you, the guy that took you away from me, and whose lawyer was probably going to let him slip with manslaughter, and I felt nothing. No anger, no hatred, the desire to kill him had vanished as the look on your face when you fell, lingered in front of me.

"A man I have a lot of respect for, lost his wife because of your selfishness." Don continued, I could tell he was fighting to remain composed, but I knew there was no way, he was going to let this guy get away, without being hit full force by the guilt. "Do you know how long they were married? Just over a day, that was all the time he got with his wife, before you killed her."

I walked out of the precinct that day, knowing that the hopelessness would take over, now that all loose ends were tied, we had found your body, we had found your killer, all there was left to do, was heal.

I knew already then, that I wouldn't be able to heal, not this time, and the year that has passed since you died, has only proved to me once again, that time does not heal all wounds.

Here I stand, on what should have been our first anniversary, all by myself on the Brooklyn bridge, around the spot where I had lost you. The people passing by knowing nothing about what happened here a year ago. To them, you were just another life swallowed by the merciless current of the East River.

To me, you were the reason for every single breath I drew, and I knew I could never let go of you, I would never forget the feeling of your fingertips slipping away into the darkness.

In my dreams you're still sleeping soundly next to me, freed from the covers, a subtle smile on your lips as you surrender to the safety of our home around you. A new day waiting in the long, happy life that was taken from you that night, right in this spot.

"You cant be gone." I whispered into the emptiness as another tear fell in your memory, before I turned and left the place I would return to every year, on this day. To let you know that I will always miss you, till the day I die.


End file.
